The Keys, the Cat and the Judge

This is Joanna’s first attempt at a humorous poem. It was written for a competition in December 2012.  Please Like, Share or Comment if you enjoy it!


Having drunk his sixth pint of Guinness
Steven rambled home to the missus

Fumbling his keys, they fell in the hedge
Steven sat down on the cracked window ledge

The brickwork gave way; he slid to the ground
Looked for the keys; they weren’t to be found

Finding his feet, he turned for the door
Cat winding round sent him back to the floor

He hauled himself up, raised a hand to the bell
The door opened wide – the wife! She yelled:

“How dare you come home in this drunken state!”
He said: “But, Jan, it’s really not that late!”

The door slammed shut; he was left all alone
He searched his coat; could not find his phone

It started to rain, fat drops slanting down
They chased down his neck; Steve started to frown

He crawled to the hedge, took shelter beneath
Got comfy, then found he needed a wee

Groaning, he stood and unbuttoned his fly
The cat took fright, nearly clawed out his eye

He gave up on that, and sat by the door
“Next time,” he thought, “I’ll only drink four.”

Shivering, wet (in fact, utterly sodden)
He thought he’d never felt so downtrodden

But the wife had a point: he’d drunk far too much
This wasn’t the first time; and she was a Judge

So Steven decided to change his ways
Couldn’t sit here in this stupefied haze

He rapped on the door, hoped for an answer
The rain kept reminding him of his full bladder

He sent hopeful thoughts, imagined his wife
All sweetness and light, not trouble and strife

“Please let me in, I’ll be better, I swear.
Left out in the rain, that’s really not fair . . .”

The door opened sharply, and Steve fell in
Wife had her arms crossed; but no rolling pin

The cat walked through, tail quivering high
Followed by Steve, hope bright in his eye

“Never again, love,” he promised in bed.
“Glad to hear it, else you’ll be in the shed!”

Copyright Joanna Gawn 2012


4 responses to “The Keys, the Cat and the Judge

  1. Fabulous Joanna – I love the bit about his wishful thinking!!!!! xxx


  2. Admin - Eleni

    Being a cat lover, I loved it! Thanks for sharing.


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